DIRTY OLD VHS: Band Of The Hand

Recently, I found out that the local tip has a quasi OP shop section where you can buy someone elses old shit. Normally I wouldn't touch any of it. But when I saw a mountain of old VHS I couldn't help myself. 20 videos and 10 bucks later, I was one filthy, happy chappy.
Normally, when I come across a VHS stockpile I end up choosing either dodgy 80's action films or dodgy 80's horror. To give you an example, I for one, picked up a copy of King Kong Lives that day, basically just so I wouldnt have to hire it out, have it become overdue, and get chastised like Melvin Smiley did.
Another of the VHS I grabbed that day was Band Of The Hand, I looked at the cover, thought, hell Stephen Lang (pre Tombstone), Larry Fishburne (when he still called himself Larry), and James Remar (when we was awesome, wait, he still is, shut up)...thats gonna be a fun dodgy 80's action film!

So come one rainy Friday night, I thought, what the hell, I'll put this bad boy in the oven and watch it explode. What I got was 102 minutes of action packed, vigilante strewn, delinquent laden awesomness!

The movie is basically about a bunch of no hoper teens who are released from jail to be a part of the Joe Tegra (Lang) experience. They have to learn to live off the land, fend for themselve and eachother and most importantly, learn to work together as a team. Once Tegra finds them ready, he takes them back to the mean streets of 80's Miami, to finish their jedi training.

That synopis covers barely one quarter of the film. After watching this, I realised that they pretty much had five movies rolled into a neat little ball here. There was a lot of ground covered. You essentially watch these punks grow into maturity and learn to not only respect each other, but themselves aswell.
It's a hard movie to review, hence why this isnt really a review, more of a reccomendation. Its a hard film to find, with the DVD going for over 80 samolians on ebay at the moment. If I hadn't have found the VHS, I may have never heard of this film, and it would have gone down the path of so many other films, into oblivion.
This raises the question, is downloading bad, when a DVD is out of circulation, or unavailable to the masses? Fortunately for me, my VHS copy is in pristine viewing condition, so I don't have to contemplate this, but it's still an interesting topic, which I know none of you out there give a shit about really.

Band of the Hand is awesome. I watched it, lived it, loved it. I really got into the whole idea of it, and it made me want for more. Remar plays a sicko crime lord who dabbles in the occult, Stephen Lang plays an indian nam vet, and Fishburne plays a pusher called Cream. Even Leon from Cliffhanger (no bullets bitch) is in it, which spun me out.
Think of this movie as The Warriors meets Scarface, with the colour of an old school Red Hot Chili Peppers filmclip.

If you can find it, be sure to check it out.



Spinning me out is the music to this trailer, which is actually part of Tangerine Dream's soundtrack for Flashpoint.

TGIF: WTF TO DO???

So its Friday, and if you are anything like me, you don't give a shit. Working in retail offers the luxury of having your weekend hanging in the balance. Im more of a TGIT person, i normally have the Friday off, however, for you guys who have the weekend free, Friday eans the end of your dull week and to get ready for the weekend.

So, what happens now? Friday came so quick! I dinne have a plan och!

Well, it's my duty to let you know whats happening in town today.

There are a plethora of movies to go and see tonight that are out at various outlets currently.

What to watch:

X-Men: First Class - Not a shit movie, actually right up there as one of the best, truthfully.


Super 8 - Probably one of the best films this year.



Get Low - You will have to go to the Luna to see it, but its worth every drop of fuel. Check the review out on accessreel.com to see what I mean.

What Not To See:

Soul Surfer - I don't hate this movie, because hate is a strong word, but at the same time, there was nothing much to like except for Kevin Sorbo, and you want a Kevin Sorbo fix, watch Hercules instead, the acting is better.

Also out, are The Hangover II and Pirates 4, i havent seen the Hangover II yet, but it supposed to be every bit as funny, if not funnier than the original. Pirates 4 was meh, but if you like the films, go see it and make your own mind up.

So there are a couple of suggestions for you for tonight or even over the weekend, go out grab some dinner, watch a movie, it costs less than going to a nightclub and paying 15 samolians for a middy!

Peace out!

DVD REVIEW: The Resident

After breaking up with her shitty ex boyfriend, Juliet (Hilary Swank) rents out an apartment in a building owned by suave mofo Max (Jeffery Dean Mrgan), and his creepy old man August (Christopher Lee). Juliet, on the rebound, starts a bit of a flirt-tastic relationship with Max, and along the way, figures that this seemingly charming chap may not be what he seems.

First up, this film was put out under Hammer Films, who are in the midst of staging a return to horror glory. This film doesn't bring the gothic sexy element that made Hammer awesome back to life, however, it is a neat little thriller, and is brought to life by very real feeling characters.

I don't like Hilary Swank. Ever since the original Buffy film and The Next Karate Kid, something just shat me when it came to her. Shes not a terrible actor, maybe its just the roles she plays in the films that shes in?Well, this movie just put her up in my book - she was fantastic.
Sexy, despondent, and annoyingly fit all at the same time, she made what could have been an awfully dull, generic character, into someone I really kind of gave a shit about. JDM was the same, (although i haven't seen anything i didn't like him in) he was this really nice, charming man, with an incredibly dark soul. By the time you find out what hes really like, it's fucked up.

This brings me to my only real gripe. This movie could have built a lot of suspense, instead, it spoils it for you about 20 minutes into the film. Saying that, I wont spoil anything that you cant gather from looking at the DVD cover. JDM plays a bastard, and HS plays the victim. When things are revealed to Juliet, it would have been nice to follow with her, instead of knowing already what was going on, and then waiting for her to find out. It tended to make the film slightly tedious.

So Swank and Morgan were topps. How about Hammer legend Christoper Lee? Well he was in the movie for a total of five minutes and his character didnt offer anything to the plot, and it really just felt like he was in there becasue this was a hammer film and needed a hammer icon.
Saying that though, I love Christopher Lee, and its great to still see him in movies.


DVD Extras were made up of jack shit on the Region 4 Release. Mind you, I don't see anything being incredibly worthwhile to put on there. I thought the film could have done with a Gag Reel during the credits, but hey thats just me. There is a trailer for the film, and for other films, but thats about it really.

In closing, The Resident was a cool film, with a few niggly bits, but nothing to cry about. I got my samolians worth in hiring it out, and hell, if I see it as an ex-rental, I may even buy it and watch it again. Thats the biggest compliment I can give a film I guess.

3 out of 5 Doogs.

Rambo III - In Retrospect

One of the reasons for my obsession with 80's action films and movie magic in general, is the fact that I was exposed to the carnage that is Rambo III. Exposed at such a young age, something just seemed to click. Later on, when I got into my teenage years, when I thought I was cool (correction, I wasn't) I decided that it wasnt cool to like Rambo III, no reason really, the only one probably being that I dont know where he found all the guns he used (maybe in his ass).
Later on further, when I hit my sexual prime (?), I decided to re-watch the film for a laugh. Boy was I taken aback!
Now, before I go any further, I am going to list here the TOP FIVE reasons why this movie is brilliant.

5) This movie has heart. First Blood Part II was good and action packed, and tried to further John Rambo's sentimental side, but this movie shows a side to Rambo that is necessary to his character in league with the first movie. The basis of the film is him rescuing an old friend (Col. Trautman, a friend that rescued him in a way.

4) Col Trautman gets to finally kick some ass, and team up with Rambo, like the good ol' days!

3) The action is real, its tangible. A helicopter swoops down, and causes a dust swirl and shit explodes, all for real, and it all looks mint. The movie was made in a time where they couldn't rely on CGI, and had to literally build something for the sole purpose of exploding it later on. You cant fake a dust swirl and have it look nice.

2) Jerry Goldsmiths score, although only a fraction of what was recorded for this fim was used, the fraction of new material is brilliant, and you can hear the heart and soul that Goldsmith has put into every note..

1)Stallone! I mean come on? Look at the guy, he rides a horse, leans off grabs a dead sheep, rides some more, then the russians come, fuck everything up, and while he is fleeing (on horseback) a helicopter swoops down and starts shooting. You know what? no blue screen there folks, hes literally riding away from a helicopter, explosions going off all that shit. You know what? Thats not a stuntman riding that horse, its Sylvester Fucking Stallone. Dont get me wrong, stunting is a noble profession, almost as important as acting in some aspects, but when the actor is doubling up for all of the stunts in the film (all incredibly dangerous mind you), you have tohave a bit of respect for the guy.

So yeah, Rambo III is not by any means a better movie than First Blood, but as an action film, it stands well against other films of its ilk.

One common thing I hear about the film is Rambo's association with the Taliban. I don't want to get into specifics here, but instantly, due to the last 10 years of shit in regards to that situation, people shrug it off and have a little chuckle at the movies expense. PaaaaaLEASE! Do we laugh and poke jokes at 2001: A Space Odyssey because we arent technologically there yet? That film was based on a theme. Just as this movie isn't about who Rambo fights with or against, it about him, and his jouney, as completed in Rambo IV. And hell yeah, the people in Afghanistan were brave as fuck to withstand the shit that was happening between them and the russians.

Don't think to hard about Rambo III for christ sake and watch it for the fun action adventure that it is. Its a reminder of a time when movies were movies where you could watch them and have fun.

Cinema Hall Days Love!

This lovely reflective glass wall was once a cinema! Yes! this cinema was breeding ground for dirty cinephiles (men and women who rape decent hard working films). The story goes, that one day, two cinephiles were caught by police in the projection booth raping the film stock and were both fired immediately and thrust infront of Judge Trudy (Aussie Judge Judy). When asked what was on their minds at the time of the raping, Charles Flipperkon (one of the cinephiles) replied: 'I wish i could come in your film hole and make film babies.'

Flipperkon and his accomplice Jean Direauxbeauxt were both thrown in the slammer like MC Hammer. Shortly after, they were both sent to Meind Froogle's institution for the mentally unsuitable.

When investigative proceedings proceeded within the Cinema, it was found that the owner, along with a few other employees, had also engaged in vulgar acts of cinephilia. Soon thereafter, the cinema was shut down, and moviegoers had nowehere else to moviego, except for Picadilly, which put their tickets up from $3.50 for adults to $15.00.